Ahhh........ bullshit on us all.

The cold continues.

I suppose that the cold is a learning process.

Cause and effect.

I.E. Cause: "Today the temperature is seventeen degrees with a wind chill that gets right about to minus five."

Effect: You fucks can build by yourselves. I'm couch bound and coffee drinkin'.

Except I don't do this. I venture out in the winter atmosphere and build someones dreams. Dreams that breed frostbite and malcontents.

That's right malcontents, but not as much vitriol as this breeds:

Constant bombardment of new Anna Nicole Smith news.

Anna Nicole Smith is dead. If you don't already know this bit of news, the rock you're hiding under is large. Very fucking large. In fact were talking K2 sized rock mass. Fakking huge.

Where was I...

Oh yes, the passing of Anna Nichole Smith. I am of the opinion that this is the tragic end to a sad life. Anna Nicole was a drugged up socially inept princess that may have been better suited working at the local Dairy Queen rather than the face of tasteful porn/ Guess? jeans. I firmly believe that without all this attention bestowed upon her she may have just been a great suburban mother...

...or something.

The part of this saga that infuriates me to the Nth degree is the media coverage of a person that was a constant disaster and had little control of the words flowing out of her drug numbed lips. The people that made her the pinnacle of beauty were waiting at the end of the darkening downward spiral that her life was taking. Waiting in salivary twilight, their arms outstretched to catch her at her end.

I've had alot of fun at Anna Nicoles expense, she was all to easy to verbally eviscerate as her foibles were constant and entertaining. So, maybe I'm just one of the vultures.

So fuck us all. Fuck you. Fuck me.

Fuck.

I got yer cold right here.

So, it's cold.

Not the "Make sure you wear a sweater" cold or "Make sure you bring the plants in" cold.

Nah.

It's more the kind of cold that makes you believe in the possibility of genderless humans.

"Male? Female? Who knows, I can't find my balls" cold.


Without further ado a new list of:

"It was so cold that...."

1. The indigenous peoples of the Artic renamed Maryland " North Pole, South"
2. I no longer had to use a hammer to drive nails. My frozen fucking hand sufficed.
3. I swear that I saw a flock of penguins fly overhead around noon. (So what if I was under the power of extremely psychotropic drugs at the time. Isn't everyone?)
4. Siberia called, it wants it weather back.
5. I made icicles when I urinated. It's not as fun as it sounds.
6. The tourism people from Antarctica got all angsty because they thought that people might flock to Maryland instead of their freezer box of a ice tray country.
7. I wrote retarded one liners in a blog and blamed it on "brain freeze."

Hey tomorrow is supposed to be colder! Suh-weet.

Genesis, and the last biblical reference I'll make in my blog. Maybe.

I've told one person.

I guess this is how it all starts.

One person knows. Maybe they laugh. Maybe they cry. In my case they laugh, cry,vomit and walk away from their computer vowing to never read my verbal deification again.

Maybe.

I've had a fairly successful run on the blogging end of things. Top Blogging Awards, a couple of phrases from my blog immortalized on g-strings, and one blog related lay. At least that's what your mom tells me. Come to think of it, I know that at least two of the voices in my head confirm this fact as well.

Maybe I want this blog to be more pure, less self serving, and a general feel good group of posts.....

Hahahahaha!

Sorry.

I promise to be generally unreadable, intellectually questionable, and possess the hatred of a thousand suns (trust me they're pissed off at something) for a vast majority of Hollywood types.

Except for that Clay Aiken, he's dreamy.

So if you're reading this, sorry for your luck I hope that the doctors can fix your eyes.

It starts with one.